I apologise if this is triggering, but I want to talk about discos in the 70s. Yes, yes I know this isn’t natural territory for those of us with the rock gene but most of us dipped our toe in the troublesome waters at some point.
First, there were the school versions, which I think I went to aged 14 to 16 and happened at the end of term. They were always traumatic affairs where one Status Quo record was all you could expect and seemed to uphold an unspoken rule that boys stood around the edge of the hall while looking at the girls dancing. I don’t know if there were girls who hated it as much as boys but the thought didn’t cross my mind if they were. It was all embarrassing and the reason why a lot of kids were drunk. Then there was the last dance thing, which was so much teenage fumbling, looked forward to, but also always some shade of embarrassing.
It feels like these events were legion and they certainly went down in the school folklore. Though it felt like it went on forever there were probably only 5 or 6. I’ve told you about being sent to the deputy head’s office for ‘freaking out’ to Deep Purple's Speed King, an event that gained me serious credibility. And the fact that Micky Smith once hit me in the face for reasons I can’t recall. I think drink was involved and I was annoying to be fair.
But from 16, discos also meant night clubs, which initially I thought must be sophisticated, plush places but were, at least in Stockton, nothing of the sort, being instead more the like an overpriced Berni Inn lounge. There were two to choose from in Stockton, Pharaohs and the Incognito. The former was a dark, upstairs sticky carpet affair, the latter an upstairs space with a bar and seats on one side that was basically a school disco with velveteen sofas. A dance floor was set apart from a sunken seating area. Our 6th form leaving party was held there and was a significantly sexualised affair, the likes of which I was a little bit shocked by, as people physically said goodbye to people they had spent the previous up to 5 years with.
Apart from such events, I must say, though I went to them, I absolutely hated them, and knew it wasn’t my culture. I was never going to like frugging to the Bee Gees and KC and the Sunshine Band while drinking over-priced lager, and the chances of hearing any Gentle Giant were zero. They did offer the chance to meet girls, but even that couldn’t make me go after I was 18.
While at college, Newcastle had many such establishments, usually run by crime families. Tuxedo Junction and Julie's being the most popular. The former was one of those places with phones on the table to call up other tables. Seriously. I had learned there was a dress code for these places, which didn’t include baseball boots and old jeans. So they didn’t want me, and I didn’t want them. The cultural gap was always massive and it was a point of honour for me that it was the case. Luckily, Dawn felt the same way, which I think surprised me because the nightclub always seemed like a female environment.
Which brings us to the concept of the rock disco, which I discovered at college and offered an excuse for public freaking out because if there’s one thing that unites the unites rockers, it's an inability and inhibition toward dancing. Headbanging, yes. Dancing, no. So there were grown men playing air drums to Rainbow’s and Spirit Of Radio and fingering an imaginary fret board as though we were Eric Clapton. Snakebite was inevitably involved.
But, even that lost its allure by the second year, and it never reared its head again and it amazes me they still attract so many people. Your lesson here is that going to clubs isn’t our culture and is best avoided to maintain happiness.
Best avoided to maintain happiness...
