When I could use my left hand, I was quite the guitarist, so much so that I still dream of showing friends new riffs. Sadly, the stroke robbed me of the ability to do much with my fingers and arm and my lovely Gretsch is unused.
But going back to when I first started playing, using a nasty £60 Satellite guitar, I didn’t have an amp, so I held the headstock against a door frame because it amplified the sound a bit.
It was some years before I got a proper amp of my own but I’d plug into friends. One of the first was a Mesa Boogie, which was loud. I remember the thrill of hitting my first chord as it vibrated through me, the bass notes especially shook me to my core.
At that moment I had all my assumptions about playing rock confirmed. It was visceral and just thrilling. If you think about it, there are only a few ways to make a 100 decibel racket.
When I think about what it must have been like playing through a sound system like the Who’s old HiWatt set up. It must have been overwhelming. Pete must have felt so much power under his fingers and if you’ve ever plugged in a guitar you’ll know what I mean.
Although we played in a few incarnations of bands, I think I was too into guitar to be a team player. I was very focused on it to the detriment of everything else. I often wish I’d had lessons when I was young but they’d be of no use now, though I am trying to make one-handed music - a sort of guitar version of Steve Reich-type music.
Like many who lose the use of a limb, I often forget I can’t use my left hand and can’t walk properly or at all. I’ve been using them for 6 decades, after all, so it’s very familiar and feels normal. I wake up thinking why haven't I played in ages…and then reality hits me and though I momentarily think I can, I actually can’t play. Intellectually I can sense the position my fingers should be in to make a chord, I know how to do it but my brain won’t send the information to my fingers. It's odd being intellectually able to do something that my fingers can't because you’re so used to your body being able to at least try and do something your brain tells it to do.
Perhaps someday there’ll be an invention to translate the thoughts into actions but in the meantime I’ll just have to adapt.
